The Orange Cat Situation
by Irish-Ninja
Summary: One shot deal. This is a short comedic fic about a radio announcement Atomika makes in SSX 3. Please R


The Orange Cat Situation  
  
This story is inspired by the radio announcement made by DJ Atomika during career mode of SSX 3. For those of you who have not yet heard that announcement, in a nutshell, Atomika says that 'the orange cat is still at large, and tourists are advised to keep their children indoors until the cat has been located and taken into captivity', it's bloody hilarious. So how did the 'Orange Cat Situation' come to pass? Read and find out.  
  
This story is **not** linked to my other fic "Psymon's Secret".  
  
I do not own any of the characters or locations of the SSX series. EA games BIG owns all characters and places mentioned in this story.

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It was a peaceful morning on peak 1 by the green station. Peanut, a fairly large adult male tabby, trotted through the snow, kicking the white stuff off his paws with a typical cat shake. He was the cat of old man Higgins, the man who ran the gondola system. Normally he stayed in the gondola shack, or at the lodge at the bottom of the mountain, but today he decided to explore more of his mountain. He trotted past the transport station when he saw a figure high up in the distance sliding down the mountain. Peanut tilted his head at the strange human. This person had some kind of disfigurement where her feet were just a flat board or something. His curiosity took over and he decided to get a closer look at this human who didn't look like his master or the many different tourists he saw day in and day out.  
  
Kaori was feeling tired and was ready to just relax at the lodge with a cup of hot chocolate and a warm fireplace. She looked over her shoulder, Mac was nowhere in sight. She creamed him in their race as she slowed down with the lodge coming into view. Suddenly an orange striped tabby hopped out from behind a tree in front of her. She screamed and swerved to avoid running over the cat. She successfully dodged the cat, but hit a large rock in the process, which swung her out of control while she still slid at a good speed. She spun uncontrollably into the handrail outside the lodge and a loud 'clang' echoed through the air as her hip crashed into the steel. She kept sliding along up and over the rail and bounced down the two flights of stone steps that led to the side entrance of the lodge. Her momentum kept her going as she rolled along the cobblestone and finally crashed into a snowdrift, truly a humourous sight if anyone had seen it. Peanut trotted down the stairs and along the path until he found the strange person with the odd feet. He sat on her chest and looked down at her.  
"What a strange place to take a nap." Peanut thought. "If I were a human I'd rather sit on one of those big soft things inside by the fire." Peanut tilted his head and leaned in to sniff Kaori's face. "She smells good, I wonder where she found flowers with all this white stuff covering them all." Peanut jumped when he heard a human voice call out.  
"Kaori?" the voice called. A male human appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down. "Oh my God!" He ran to Kaori whom Peanut still sat on. "Get away from her!" Mac screamed, hurling a snowball at Peanut. The cat jumped off Kaori and ran away quickly.  
"Okay okay I wasn't going to eat her, you can have her!" He thought while he sprinted behind the lodge. Mac cradled Kaori and looked at her multiple bumps and bruises and a small cut she had above her eye.  
"Help! Someone help!" Mac shouted, A few heads popped out of the lodge and quickly ran to Mac and Kaori when they saw her down. They wrapped a blanket around her and took her in to lay her on a sofa.  
  
A snow patrol member ran out of the dining room and saw Nate carrying Kaori with Mac and others following.  
"Ah! Don't move her yet!" the snow patrol member screamed, fearing if she had a neck injury that they could have made it worse. Nate panicked and threw his hands up, dropping the limp Kaori on the hardwood floor with a loud 'thud'. The snow patrol member flinched then ran to her side to check her over. Mac stared in disbelief that Nate just dropped his girlfriend like a bag of groceries. "Alright, she's okay, take her to the couch now." Nate picked her back up and continued his run to the couch. "What happened to her?" Mac looked panicked while he tried to remember what he saw.  
"I found her out cold in a snowdrift with this big orange cat on her." The snow patrol member wrote down what Mac said.  
"You mean like a Lynx or a Bobcat?" Mac paused in thought then nodded.  
"Yeah sure, I was kinda far away still." The snow patroller wrote quickly then pulled out his walkie talkie.  
"This is ski patroller Thomas, do you read me chalet?" A few seconds of static sounded from the radio until a crackly voice replied.  
"This is the chalet, go ahead Thomas, any problems on your route?" Thomas held the radio back to his mouth.  
"We have Kaori in the lodge at green station, from what I've been told she suffered an attack from either a Bobcat or a Lynx. Put out a full watch for other patrollers to keep an eye out for it please." A few seconds of static later, the voice replied.  
"Will do Thomas, thank you." Seconds later a mass message was sent over the radios. "Attention all patrols, we have a wild animal on the loose, reportedly either a Lynx or a Bobcat, one person has already been attacked, please be on the look out." Thomas continued to tend to Kaori while other boarders now gathered around. Mac looked out the window, then at Kaori, then back at the window.  
"There it is!" he shouted, pointing out the window. The other boarders crowded the window to get a look. Brodi squinted his eyes to see the distant animal, then laughed.  
"Dude, that's not a Lynx, it's a house cat!" Everyone laughed with the exception of Mac and Thomas, as Thomas was too busy with Kaori.  
"Well, that cat attacked my girlfriend! Someone should handle it!" Psymon shook his head and walked away from the window.  
"I'll go get it and bring it in." Mac looked at Psymon as he walked towards the door.  
"Thanks man, I'm glad someone wants to help." Psymon looked at Mac like he said something stupid.  
"Help nothing, I'm bringing it in so you won't be the only pussy in the room." A loud 'Ohh!' from everyone in unison made Mac's head slump between his shoulders as he mouthed several curse words under his breath. Everyone put their attention back on the window as they saw Psymon approach the cat. Psymon stopped and looked at everyone in the window, then struck a pose reminiscent of the Crocodile Hunter, which got another round of laughter. He continued the mannerism as he approached the cat with a mock caution. The cat took off behind the transport building, causing Psymon to slouch his shoulder. He looked back at the window to make sure he still had his audience. He pointed to the transport building then did a ridiculous cartoon character-like run behind it, causing more laughter and applause from his onlookers.  
  
"Heeeere kitty, come on kitty, where are ya kitty?" Psymon scanned the area, his eye twitching all the while. He saw a pine tree and looked up it, seeing the orange tabby quite a ways up. "Oh, you think you're the only thing that can climb trees eh?" Psymon cackled as he ran to the pine tree and started scaling it, getting pricked frequently with needles.  
"Okay, I thought the person with the flat feet was weird, but this character's out to lunch! Look at him climb, does he think he's a cat? Come on man, no one can be perfect." Peanut watched Psymon, the lanky human was actually kind of entertaining to watch as he scaled the branches. Psymon shimmied around the branches where it was thick and suddenly was out of sight. Peanut looked around, unable to find the odd human.  
"Boo!" Psymon's face appeared behind Peanut from the thick needles. Peanut freaked out and jumped at Psymon's face, claws out. Psymon shrieked and laughed at the same time while Peanut's claws dug into the sides of his head, causing him to lose his balance. The falling sensation made Peanut claw in deeper.  
"Uh oh now what?" Peanut thought as he pulled himself close to the human's face. Psymon flailed his arms, unable to see while he fell down the tree, managing to hit just about every single needle-covered branch on the way down. Psymon's body hit the ground hard and Peanut jumped off the human.  
"Uuuh... sweeeeet..." Psymon muttered, barely able to lift his head. His head fell back into the snow and he closed his eyes.  
"What's with these humans? They always nap in the weirdest places, there's not even a sunbeam back here." Peanut nudged Psymon with his nose. "I think this guy is actually hurt, oh man why did he have to scare me like that?" Peanut howled twice but no one came. "I know! I'll go get that old coot that feeds me! He'll know what to do!" Peanut sprinted away from Psymon and began his long descent down peak 1.  
  
The boarders watched eagerly when suddenly they saw the cat ran from the building and down a nearby slope.  
"Where's Psymon?" Zoe asked with a chuckle, trying not to sound too concerned. They all watched, but no Psymon appeared. They waited a little longer, still Psymon did not emerge from behind the transport building.  
"I'm going to see if he's okay." Nate said, grabbing Thomas. "Come with me in case he's in trouble." Thomas had no say in the matter as Nate dragged him away.  
  
They came behind the building and found Psymon sprawled out on the ground. His face, arms, legs and chest were all badly scratched up. Nate and Thomas ran to him and Thomas checked his neck.  
"No neck injuries." Thomas announced, then checking Psymon's spine. "It feels like a few vertebras are out, nothing a chiropractor can't fix."  
"So can I pick him up or what?" Nate said, Thomas nodded. The big man tossed Psymon over his shoulder and they quickly jogged back to the lodge. When they entered, everyone was quite shocked to see Psymon so scratched up and out cold.  
"Damn, that cat is dynamite!" Eddie said in shock while Thomas dressed Psymon's wounds. "If it did that to Psymon, what could it do to us?" Eddie looked at the others, all their faces dropped and they stampeded back to the window, watching for if it would come back.  
  
Peanut slipped and ran down the slope as the village at the bottom was in view.  
"Okay, I'll find the old guy, he'll give me food, then I'll take him to the weird people up there and he can help them, then after that I... hey! Is that catnip?!" Peanut skidded to a stop and trotted over to a small plant with fuzzy green leaves. "IT IS!" Peanut started to chomp and roll on the plant and enjoyed it's intoxicating effects for quite a while.  
  
"This just in." DJ Atomika announced over the speakers in the lodge. "The 'Orange Cat Situation' is still not under control. I'm sure most of you already know about the orange cat situation, and the cat is still at large. Tourists are being asked to keep their children indoors until the cat has been found and captures... man, that must be one HECK of a cat... Stay tuned and we'll keep you updated as this situation continues." The boarders all filled the windows, staring out at the mountain, just wondering if the cat would re-appear. Both Kaori and Psymon had woken up by now, and both their stories were along the lines of the cat jumping at them, and not remembering anything after that. All of the SSX boarders did not dare go outside after seeing what the cat already did to two of them.  
"Maybe it's gone." JP said with a heavy French accent. Psymon was sitting in the corner in the fetal position, rocking himself.  
"Ohh no, I'm not going back out there until they catch that thing!" He twitched and shook violently. JP shrugged and looked at Mac.  
"Should we not at least go out and SEE if it's there?" Mac shook his head.  
"HELLZ no man, I ain't setting foot out of this lodge until that thing has been captured and taken away!" A loud agreement came from the voices of the other boarders, who got themselves ready to spend a long time inside.  
  
Meanwhile, an orange cat laid on his back in the sunbeam. He adjusted himself contently in the bearskin rug that was positioned under the window in old man Higgin's cabin.  
"I know I was supposed to tell the old guy something, but what? Oh well, must not be that important if I could forget it that easily." Peanut thought to himself as he made himself comfortable for a nice long nap.  
  
There it is, short and sweet and hopefully comedic. This should hopefully tide some people over while I work on my next actual fic. 


End file.
